Is It Okay To Yell At Other People's Kids?

Late this afternoon, my wife, son, baby daughter, and I went to the local bowling alley. Originally we were supposed to go to a fairly modernized, well-lit alley, but in the end, we went to one closer, one which is known for lots of little kids being there. In fact, my son had his birthday party there this year, and it was a blast. This bowling alley is older, more darker, and the technology is not as advanced, but my son wanted to go to this one, as a last minute change of heart, so we agreed.

We paid for an hour's worth of bowling and off we went. The first thing I noticed was that there was only one bowling ball available to us in our alley and the lane to the left of us only had 2-3. I thought it was strange that they did not seem well stocked, as far as their bowling ball availability went, so I hunted around and it didn't take long to find out where all the balls went - there was a birthday party taking 4 lanes up (this is 5-pin with rails). They hoarded all the balls. I went over and grabbed a couple from their 30 or so balls (in one lane!) that they had.

After my son bowled the first frame, I noticed that the balls weren't returning properly. I thought that our lane was broken, so I went to talk to the manager. He pointed out that there was nothing wrong with the lane, but instead one of the kids from the birthday party kept coming up to our lane and when the ball was returned, he'd stop it before it reached the incline, so all the balls were backed up. I can't believe that as observant as I normally am, that I didn't see this. So he fixed it for me, and I was watching. Sure enough, just like a rat coming out at night when no one was watching, this pain-in-the-ass kid snuck up to our lane while my wife took her turn and stopped the balls from coming back. I stepped up to the ball return and glared at him. To my surprise, he looked at me, and kept doing it. I looked over to his family, who looked over at me and then said, "Zachary, come here please." Of course, pain-in-the-ass kid did not listen to them, until the fourth or fifth time they insisted. I kept an eye on things while it was my turn to bowl and he didn't come back.

The manager walked over to me and rolled his eyes, saying, "Sorry about this - we get these pain in the ass kids all the time along with their more pain in the ass parents. I just had a party here where the kids were going to various lanes and stealing the balls from other participants." Then he proceeded to preach to the choir, telling me how he wishes parents would give their kids a swat on the bottom more these days, and said it in a meek, apologizing way, not knowing what my position was. I said, "damn right - if that punk bothers us again, I'll say something to him", and the manager said, "please do".

My son went to bowl again and sure enough, this kid, who must have been 3-4 years old, comes back again and blocks our balls from returning by sticking his hand out before the ball hits the return uphill incline. My son was getting irritated, but did not say anything. I then said to the kid, "Uh, can you not touch my balls, please?" (probably not the most quotable thing to say to a kid, but he was so dumb, he wouldn't have remembered anyways). He stepped away. On my second throw, he came back and balls started backing up again. So I turned to him and got angry, "Get your freaking hands off our balls and get the hell out of here!" (yes, that is what I said, and yes, if I were to do it again, I'd say the same thing). Finally, taking a hint, his older sister or friend (about 7-8) came and grabbed the kid, and I then threw a menacing glance over at his parents, who said, "Zachary, please don't do that." No gesture of apology or firm correction for this behaviour. No wonder he was like that - his parents must have been graduates of the Shitty Parenting School of Ontario. Unfortunately, I have seen more than my fair share of these parents, and it always seems to be at birthday parties joints for kids. I remember a few weeks back, my son was invited to a Chuck E Cheese party - we had a great time seeing our friends there, and my son had fun, but I had to police the games he was playing, because without a doubt, there were tons of these other kids who I just know did not come from stable homes, and in all cases out of curiosity, my eyes followed them back to their table, and yep, single mom in charge. During that day, I had to yell at several kids, who took my son's Chuck E Cheese tickets once they spat out of the machine, kids who butted in front of my son in line (that was fun - I really gave it to them) and another kid, who pushed my son out of the way. Honestly, these are our future inmates in our penitentiary system, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, just like my wife did today, other parents did at Chuck E Cheese. My wife told me I did not have to get mad at the kid, just like the other parents at Chuck E Cheese gave me odd looks. My simple answer: damn right I had to get mad at them. I was probably the only person in that child's history who disseminated something the looked like order to them.

Now, I know what my wife was REALLY thinking, and I'm sure what other parents may think: that these days, yelling at another person's kid is not acceptable, given the touchy-feely attitude towards kids as delicate creatures who must have their self-worth and self-esteem shielded at all costs. Plus, as an aside, I may be giving the impression that I was not in control of my emotions and my temper was out of check. Well, to paraphrase Humphrey Bogart, frankly my dear, I don't give a shit.

How children choose to drive their parents nuts is their parents' problem. If they choose not to listen to their parents, well, that's for their parents to figure out. Those are not my kids. The only exception is for kids who are related to me or who are part of our church family. I obviously have more of a responsibility in this area, though even then, there are some things I would never do. Spanking another kid is one of them - I only spank my kid. I can correct another kid verbally, but that's about as far as I go. Interestingly though, I have never once had to yell at a relative kid or a kid who is in our church family. These kids are all from stable two-parent homes who teach discipline, so in a sense, they are like us.

But for others, it is a different story. Again, it doesn't matter a whole lot to me whether a stranger's kid listens to his/her parents or not. Where I do have an issue is when their kid's bad behaviour infringes on the rights of my family or friends. In the case of Chuck E Cheese, I wasn't about to idly sit by and watch my son get pushed, or give my son the impression that people who butt in line in front of us will automatically be OK with us, or that it's OK for these kids to steal my son's hard-earned Chuck E Cheese ticket. It is NOT OK, and in fact, the issue I have is the lack of respect these kids (there were a lot of commonalities amongst these kids other than from single-mother homes, but I won't go there just now) for others. Many parents nowadays, with their non-confrontational approach to things, do not want to create a scene. How sad. And what does this teach their own kids, who watch their own parents accept bad behaviour?

Now, as for how I look when I correct other kids - I think by now you can safely surmise that I really don't care whether what I do is socially acceptable to others. I really don't care - honestly, I don't. Whether you like me or hate my guts, that's not my concern - I have more important things to deal with than how I come across to others. For one, I know that I am teaching my son some valuable lessons about not letting others bully you - and ladies and gentlemen, that is essentially what is happening - by allowing - my goodness - little children to infringe on your rights to peaceful enjoyment of an activity - that passivism is showing both your cowardice as well as your complacency. Don't you care that other kids are mis-behaving, and as a direct result, your liberty to enjoy your activity is being infringed upon? I don't know about you, but I paid good money for that hour of bowling and I wasn't going to have some brat screw up the ball returns for our son. It's no different than people who have a noisy neighbour who make a racket all night, but never call the cops on them; instead, like good passive Canadians, they simply bitch and moan, without actually doing anything.

In the end, I don't regret getting upset at Zachary. He certainly needed to hear that he just can't do whatever he pleases whenever he wants. Obviously his parents aren't teaching him that - I feel sad for that, but that's for them to figure out. As for me, if anyone infringes on my personal liberty or the liberty of my family, you can be sure that they will not be met with passive response, at least not from me. Hopefully, by more parents taking this approach, we will be able to start correcting a disturbing trend of kids growing up with no respect or fear for elders, authority figures and such. At the very least, even if we may not be able to change other kids, we are providing a positive value-based life lesson for our own children, and doing them a favour in the long-run.