The Wrong Way to Explain Something to Telehealth

I'll switch gears a little, and tell you something humourous that happened to me last week, which at the time I didn't find funny, but as you look back, you can see the humour in it.

I suffer from allergies in the summertime. I suffer greatly. It's been like that since I was diagnosed in 1983. I, along with millions of people around the world, am allergic to pollen, ragweed, etc. For me, it acts up primarily in June/July. At one point, I thought I may have "kicked it", but nope, a year or two later, it resurfaces, worse than it was before. I start to sneeze, wheeze, my eyes get swollen, and I get hives. So while it may appear that I am being outright lazy by letting my wife do all of the lawnmowing in the summertime, I honestly have a good reason...of course, my wife also traditionally shovels the snow in winter as well, and that's due to my chronically bad back (which, by the way, can be medically proven).

Anyway, last Monday, I had the day off and volunteered at my son's school for some science fair. I knew upfront that my son's school was not air-conditioned (I suppose there's not many schools that are), so I naturally assumed that in order to ensure adequate air circulation, that they would open the windows. With my bad allergies, I knew that this would be problematic, so in anticipation of allergic side effects, I thought I'd take a Claritin (antihistamine) in the morning. Of course, I have to say that Claritin has never worked for me, but I wanted to finish the package anyway, and I also figured that something was better than nothing.

Of course, as it has happened in the past, the Claritin did not work in the least. I wheezed all day and as I was helping kids with science experiments, wet runny nose drippings and soggy boggers went everywhere, and I had to constantly go to the kiddie washroom to blow my nose. Anyhow, after the day was done, I came home and by night time, I knew that it was going to be a challenge going to sleep, so I decided to take another Claritin. After all, it was only supposed to work for 12 hours, right? I took the pill and then sat on the couch downstairs, analyzing how the day went. In between thoughts, I had the bright idea to have a glass of wine to finish off the day and unwind. I just bought a bottle of Merlot a few weeks back and thought, what the hey, may as well crack it open (my wife's breastfeeding our daughter, so it wasn't like she was going to help me finish it anyway). Of course, I knew after I uncorked it that I should probably check the Claritin box, since I remembered that I had just taken the antihistimine and I wanted to make sure that there was no prohibition of taking wine with it (there often is some verbiage about the fact that medication and alcohol simply don't mix).

So I looked at the box, and was horried to discover that the Claritin was, in fact, not a 12-hour version, but a 24-hour version. Didn't think much of it, until I saw in bold underlined print that the dosage was one pill in a 24 hour period and an associated warning that clearly stated to not exceed the instructed dosage. Uh-oh. So I went online and checked on this and discovered that double-dosing on Claritin was synonymous with induced heart trouble. Oh crap.

I quickly ran past my wife, who was gleefully playing online backgammon, and without providing her an explanation, ran downstairs and proceeded to stick my finger down my throat, hoping to induce vomiting the Claritin pill out. I was unsuccessfuly, so I frantically asked my wife what to do. She said, with great concern, that I should call Telehealth. Telehealth is a provincially funded free, live telephone service which provides assistance for health related questions and situations. My wife had previously called Telehealth on many occasions when she was pregnant, and the advice they dispensed was very helpful.

I ended up speaking to a woman, who informed me that because it was my first time calling, they had no file on me, so I would have to explain things slowly.

So I started to explain the fact that I had double-dosed on Claritin. She asked why I didn't read the box and I said, I don't know - didn't think to. I also mentioned that I was afraid that I may end up dead in the morning in my son's room (since I've been sleeping in there for a couple of months now, as my new daughter is now sleeping in the master bedroom). She then asked how I found out about the warning to not double-dose and I proceeded to honestly answer that it was when I was about to have a glass or two of wine that I thought I'd double-check. She said with some concern, "why did you want to have wine with the medication?" and I responded that I needed to relax. Guess that was the wrong answer. She then asked why I was concerned about dying, and I said, I didn't want to die in my son's room. Another wrong answer in retrospect. She then asked whether I had any loved ones nearby and I said, yes, my wife is here, and she asked if I could quiz my wife to see if I seem confused (which was an odd question). My wife overheard and whispered to me, "you're always in a state of confusion", to which I relayed to the Telehealth nurse, "she says I'm always confused." The nurse then paused, I heard the sound of paper shuffling in the background and then firmly, but nervously, she asked, "sir, may I ask you a question, only because I am concerned..." I said, sure ask away. She quickly followed up by asking, "are you trying to commit suicide"? As what I must assume was a defensive answer, I responded with a nervous chuckle, "What? Suicide? Me?" I was seriously taken aback by what she said. She could tell I was a bit confused and she clarified, "well, sir, you mention that you took twice the dose, did not want to find yourself dead in the morning, was going to take wine with your medication, and had trouble answering whether your wife found your behaviour confusing. Personally, I am a bit concerned." Of course, at that point, I went through and explained my whole lifetime issue with allergies, how I thought Claritin sucked, and that I wasn't thinking straight (probably shouldn't have said this either). I added that I normally am very careful at reading instructions and such, but you know, I assumed it was a 12-hour dose, instead of 24. OK, I admitted, the wine was a stupid idea, but I had forgotten I had taken the pill only 20 minutes earlier. I am definitely not suicidal or depressed and my wife is standing right here with me. I finally managed to convince her, at which point she told me that I would have only had heart trouble if I took both Claritin at the same time. As 12 hours had passed, the original dose's strength had waned significantly and the only thing I may feel is some fast breathing and possibly some mild tightness of my chest, not to mention increased drowsiness. I was relieved to hear that. Moral of the story: not only think before you speak, but think ahead to how others may construe what you say, especially within a particular context.

All that being said, that night, my son peed his bed and woke up screaming at around 2:30AM. Typically, I would have have appreciated being awakened so late in slumber, but you should have seen me, I jumped out of bed and the first thought was, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" With a spring in my nocturnal step, I happily changed my son's undergarments, pajamas and bedsheets.

I also have decided to throw out the rest of the Claritin. It's not like it works, anyway.