Dealing With Rude Customers

I had an interesting experience tonight when my propane tank emptied the rest of itself out right when I started barbecuing a couple of steaks. My wife was famished, and my son was nearing refugee status when it came to his appetite, so as the attentive husband that I try to be, I disconnected the propane tank and went to the nearest Canadian Tire to get it refilled. As is the normal custom, I drop off my tank to the pimply-faced teenager who was going to refill it, while I went into the claustrophobic cashier's booth/bunker in order to pay for it. I was walking at a brisk pace, and was about to reach for the door handle to the bunker, when some dude in his 50s jogged ahead - no, let's call a spade a spade - he butted ahead of me and pulled the door open and slid through, not bothering to do the courteous thing and hold it open for what he knew would be a guy coming right behind him. I was a bit miffed, but this stuff happens all the time in Toronto, so I didn't think much of it.

Since technically he showed up first, the cashier inside served him first, though he shot a glance at me, expressing his acknowledgement that I probably should have been in line first. I shrugged and nonverbally responded, "doesn't matter". And the fact was, it didn't matter. It's a long weekend (extra long for me since I have Tuesday off as well), I was in a good mood, as was the family - and while the family was getting hungry, I was going as fast as I could.

The cashier leaned over and said to the guy ahead of me, "That's two tanks, right?" Dude in his 50s then lost it and started shouting at the cashier, "No, I have one tank!" Cashier responded, "Oh, I thought you had brought in two..." which aggravated the customer even more.

"What the f*$# is wrong with you, you &&*%$#$?!?" as the older guy made a backhand motion (like he was about to swat the guy, but he held his hand in the air and put it down). The cashier, a younger guy, just sat there and stopped making eye contact. "That's $16.00, please". As the older guy was fishing for his wallet, I just stood staring at him, wondering why this jerk thought it was appropriate to tee off on this poor cashier, who I'm sure wanted to be anywhere else but work, on a Friday night before the long weekend.

While the guy was taking his wallet out of his obviously too-tight-for-his-fat-ass pants, he glanced at me, who was glancing at him. I am not sure why I kept staring at him, but I just stood there and looked at him, like he was a guinea pig in an experimental cage. I guess it was my way to show my displeasure on how he was treating this cashier this way. I'm sure it didn't help that he butt in front of me just seconds before. When he took out his cash, he threw it on the counter, at which point the cashier issued him the receipt and "PAID" slip to hand to the acne-prone teen outside who was literally pumping gas. The cashier started to explain what the slips were for when the guy just grabbed it and said, "yeah, yeah, yeah... and started walking off, when he saw me still looking at him. He stopped.

"What the f$^& are you looking at?" he says to me. I seldom stare at people at all (just ask my wife, I'm not much of a people watcher), and if I accidentally do glance at someone and they ask me what I'm staring at, I usually apologize and look the other way or go back to whatever I was doing. In this case, I don't know what it was, and I'm sure with more time to process things, I would have probably defaulted to my regular response, due to me not being on my medication, out of my mouth blurted the following: "I'm looking at a guy who obviously has no manners." I said it stoically, and evenly. Then I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

He just stood there and looked at me. Let me tell you folks, it's been a long time since I've had anyone look at me this way. And it wasn't a look of affection or brotherhood. The last person who looked at me like that called me a offensive racial epithet, and this was more than 20 years ago. I swear, he was about to clock me right then and there (would have been hard to explain this one to my wife - "honey, I was just out to get propane, and I came back with a broken nose"). Truth be told, though, had he hit me, getting his propane home safely would have been the least of his worries.

Thankfully, he realized that he probably should go home and vent off some steam and barbecue something with his new single tank of propane, and he just turned and walked off. Good for him - his wife probably wouldn't have appreciated him spending the long weekend in jail, charged with assault.

I looked at the cashier and expressed a facial gesture indicating, "wow". He responded with a body gesture indicating, "this happens to me all the time."

Why am I telling you all this, aside from the fact that I felt pretty good standing up to someone who obviously had some anger management issues (disclaimer: kids, don't do this at home)? It's also to illustrate a point that I see way too often in customer relations, and furthermore, dispel an age-old myth that the customer is always right and that you should not only ask the customer, "how would you like it?", but also bend over when asking them that question.
I do not subscribe to that way of handling customers at all.

A few years ago, part of my job included being a technical escalation for end users. I won't go into great detail about what I did, but part of the role as a team leader was to field the most cranky, ticked off customer complaints about our various support teams. It wasn't enough that I had to worry about my own team (which I could handle since there was a degree of control and influence I could exercise over how my team did their technical troubleshooting with the customer), but I was also responsible for other team's customer issues. So if our helpdesk team got a complaint, it would be escalated to me, even though I could not directly impact the expeditious resolution of the aforementioned issue, since the helpdesk team reported to a different manager. Similarly, we had people in the U.S. (not on my direct team) that made lots of mistakes - for reasons I still don't comprehend, I was the first to hear the gripes from the customer. Same with any complaints for our engineering team, etc. While I didn't necessarily have to solve all the issues by myself, I had to hear the raw, unfiltered, first responses, when people were the most heated under the collar. I can tell you that this was the least favourite aspect of my job, but it quickly dawned on me that this was an area where I would learn much, and develop skills as a negotiator, communicator, and listener.

And listen I did. And it was suggested many times (sometimes by my own management) just to give the customer what they want, since they are the customer. However, I exercised a huge dose of discretion in how I dealt with irate customers. I can tell you that the guy at Canadian Tire running the cashier bunker wasn't much off in how he dealt with the customer. Some rules from my own experience over the years.

1) The customer is not always right. People will roast me for saying this, but I believe it's true. The key here is determining what the customer wants and addressing their rooted concerns. Many times, the way they react is only a symptom of a deeper need. Find out what that need is, doing it in a professional and encouraging way. If the customer is wrong, don't be afraid to tactfully state the facts - not in an accusing manner. Redirect the conversation back to resolving the problem rather than placing blame. The cashier at the propane bunker did that - just kept it to the business at hand - he did not assent to the way he was treated.

2) Don't let the customer aggravate you. Some customers love to get under your skin, by making snide or inappropriate remarks. I was at a customer site last week rebuilding the software configuration a print server, when I heard them complaining about their jobs, about the contract my company has with their customer company, the fact that there's no money to pay for anything, etc. I simply nodded, heard what they said, asked some questions and went back to work. I totally disagreed with some of what they were saying, but that was not the time nor place to discuss things outside of our control, espcially considering the crazy amount of money I was billing them by the hour. Even if they swear at you, don't react. However, you don't have to take it either. Almost every company supports their employees walking away from abusive language situations (and harrassment is taken very seriously these days).

3) Remember, you have bad days too. Cut your customers some slack. Everyone has bad days and will tee off on someone eventually. Of course, some people are naturally abusive, but the good news is most customers are not even close to being abusive. They may be demanding, but there are ways to deal with that (see above). The best thing to do is to listen to what the customer is telling you, and then from that determine what they really want.

4) Don't be afraid to make suggestions. If there's one thing I am told that I am fairly decent at in the corporate workplace, it's that I can provide alternate solutions. This sort of goes back to the customer is not always right thing. For instance, one of my clients at work, who is a fairly high level manager, will oftentimes insist on his way of doing things. Something goes wrong, he gets mad, I'm the senior technical consultant on our account, so I generally field all of the "why doesn't this work" complaints. Oftentimes, I realize that while it may be easier for me to recommend or implement a fix to a current problem, sometimes, I try to be bold and explain that what the customer is thinking may not be the best solution and I offer alternatives. This actually does two things: one, it helps you keep control of the situation and manage it, but it also shows your ability to think outside the box, and that shows your thought leadership, which I know is very sought after by managers.

5) Some people just can't be helped. Leave them alone, and call security. Two Saturdays ago, my wife, son and I went to a company picnic at Ontario Place (amusement/theme park + more in downtown Toronto). I was in line with my son on one of the rides when some guy (named Scott - I only knew because his wife was trying to calm him down after by calling his name) about 20 people ahead of me started complaining that his little (and I mean little) daughter would not be allowed on the bumper boat water ride because she was well under the safety line. If this idiot had bothered to check before he got into line (there's a measurement picture when you get into line and also one when the people managing the ride takes your kid to the boats - they measure you jsut in case), he would have known his daughter was too short. But no...he threw a complete shitstorm, threatening the teenage girls who were running the rides. They did the right thing by staying on topic and re-enforcing the rules to him in a calm manner. But Mr. Temper (and he must have been around 30) decided to come back after he stomped off and called, in his loudest, I'm-going-to-kill-you voice, "You f&!@@% ass*##$%" - to the girls, and then to EVERYONE in line. Remember, we all had little kids there. I think while the parents were all shocked to see this guy mouth off in front of all their kids, they probably felt more sorry for his wife and his two young kids who had to watch their father go ballistic in public and truly embarrass his own family. My wife turned to me and said, "could you imagine if he's like this in public, what he's like in private?" I concur. There are some people like this who you should not even bother dealing with - just call security, or make sure you have a weapon within reach.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, manners and common courtesy seem to fly by the wayside with some people. So eventually, in whatever line of work you do, you are bound to come across unreasonable and rude people. The key to successfully interacting them is managing their expectations. By doing so, you not only curb potentially ugly confrontations, but you will be able to foster and grow the client-vendor relationship to make your business a success going forward.