Life Stages

It's pretty cool to witness life unfolding before your eyes.

Just today, my wife brought home the ultrasound photos for our little baby, who is still in utero. She wasn't slated to get them until a couple of weeks from now, but due to some mild concerns, she was assigned to get them today. It would have been nice to see it all live today, but it wasn't originally scheduled, and I was on son-watching duty. It's just as well, since she was gone for literally quite a few hours, and my son wouldn't have lasted that long between various waiting rooms/areas in the hospital.

It does appear as if everything is OK, after the ultrasound was taken, so that's great news. I quickly scanned the photos from the thermal paper so that we have the images somewhere in case the originals somehow get accidentally exposed to sunlight or something. Anyhow, it is amazing to see life unfold in the womb. The ultrasound technician was unable to tell my wife whether we have a boy or a girl, and it's just as well, since I don't really want to know anyway until the baby arrives. There is just something special about not knowing - too many times in our world today, people seem to want to know everything in advance. I think there is still much to be said about the joy of not knowing something which you don't really NEED to know. I am very much a traditionalist that way. As far as we know, the baby's doing very well, and his/her big brother is waiting in eager anticipation for next March, when we will meet our new addition to our family. If you are a person who prays, we would certainly covet your prayers as we go through this time of joy, but also of anxiety (we had a miscarriage last year - you can read more about it on my other posts). However, I can report at this time that, so far, so good.

Earlier this week, our little guy started school for the first time in his life. My wife and I had the pleasure of taking him to school, and watching him line up with his classmates; the teacher even allowed us parents to hang around for 15 minutes or so after the opening bell (which appears, in recent years, to have become more of a chime rather than the traditional make-you-crap-your-pants fire station bell) in order to make sure our kids were all settled on day one of their formal educational life. Our boy was pretty nervous, but he adjusted pretty well, once class started. When it was time to pick him up, he was waiting for us, along with the other kids, and he had a big smile on his face. So far so good. He has some light homework assigned, and will continue to have daily homework for all of this year. He is attending school on a full-time basis on alternate days. Finally, I see some tangible benefits of paying taxes to the provincial government.

I haven't lost sight of the fact that these types of milestones in one's life really make one reflect on the fact that life never stops. It does seem only like yesterday that our son was handed to me by the surgeon, who said, "You are the proud father of a baby boy!" Honestly, it does only seem like yesterday when I was in that kindergarten lineup, looking back at my own Mom, who assured me that I would live to tell about the experience later. That was close to 30 years ago, but I remember it well. Thirty years from now, I will likely be retired (vocationally for sure, possibly physically - hopefully not), and my son (and possibly future son/daughter) will perhaps be the one shuffling their own little sons or daughters in a nervous lineup of first-day kindergarteners, wondering where all the time has gone.

The Never-Ending Adventures of Sen. Larry Craig

This will be a short and sweet entry, as we are getting ready to take our son for his first day of school in the next hour - literally.

As a conservative, it may seem relatively un-kosher to bash other purported conservatives, but if there is one thing I can't stand, it is hypocrisy amongst those who claim to have some moral high ground - particularly in public officials like lawmakers/politicians, clergy, teachers, etc. It is not really the scope of this short entry to discuss why I am not endeared to these folks - I have written a much more lengthier blog entry detailing that. I do want to quickly focus my attention to the latest high-profile case which has busted a public official, and a conservative at that.

If you don't know who Sen. Larry Craig is, look him up on Wikipedia for more details. Anyhow, the gist of the case against him is that he, as a grandfather of nine, and a supposed conservative who has backed "family values" and anti-gay legislation, was busted in a Minneapolis washroom by a cop (who was assigned to look for these exact things at that exact location since there have been repeated instances there). He had allegedly signalled to the cop that he was looking to engage in some sexual activity while he was in one stall and the cop was in the other.

I heard the interview that the cop who arrested him had. The cop was so upset with him when he started denying the incident happened like how the cop described (the officer said that he is disappointed that he doesn't just admit how the incident happened like the others). The officer was visibly annoyed and disgusted at how Sen. Craig would not tell the truth. You should check out the interview, available on CNN.com - the officer was very specific in describing the incident in great details and he saw all this first-hand - otherwise, why arrest him? Anyway, subsequently, Craig did enter a guilty plea (which since the time this has been made public, he has backtracked on saying he was confused and he will fight to reverse the plea). He has also resigned from his job as Senator.

What i find laughable in all this is the lame-brain excuses Craig makes. He was accused of making two body language moves while he was in the stall directly to the left of the arresting officer. One was sliding his hand underneath the stall wall, while the other was touching his right foot with the arresting officer's left foot and then tapping it. Apparently, these two signs are common for those who want a sexual favour.

Craig claims that he did not put his hand under the stall, but reached down to grab a piece of toilet paper on the floor. Honestly...who the hell picks up a piece of toilet paper on the dirty ground of a public men's washroom? Craig also admits that his foot touched the officer's foot, but it was an accident...since he sits in a "wide stance". I don't believe this one either since even if he was a...uh...plus-sized individual, he would have to really reach over to touch the other person's foot. Case in point - there is this fella at work, who works for our client, who is, um...quite plump. If anyone has an excuse to sit in a wide stance, he does. However, as I sat beside several times in the past in the stall, his foot was not even once close to coming over to my stall (and this dude is about 6' 3", 400lbs.) He would have had to deliberately reached in with his foot.

The officer also claimed that he used his left hand to slide underneath the stall (which would mean he would have had to reach over), since the cop saw his wedding ring (which Craig says he only wears on his left hand).

Craig has denied that he is a closet homosexual. He has denied that the whole incident happened as the officer indicated. Generally, I give people the benefit of the doubt, but something about his whole story stinks.

God and Money

If there is one thing with which most Christians grapple, it is the whole issue of money management, or financial stewardship. I have read countless books on personal finance and wealth management, and while I agree with much of the practical outcroppings of how to invest and how to save, ultimately for me it comes down to a simple governing principle that I have seen work again and again...and it will again. This is my philosophy (my own words) when it comes to money, and it is not shared by too many people I know:

The money I have is not mine; it was entrusted to me by God to use as wisely as I can. God can give you more, give you less, bless you with an abundance, or take it all away. In the end, the only thing we can do is be good stewards of what He has given us, while at the same time, simply earnestly trusting Him to provide for us on a daily basis.

What I wrote above is nothing new. It is my own way of re-phrasing a principle, which is essentially scattered throughout the Bible. While the topic of money tends to be a thorny topic that no one likes to talk about, I don't think it needs to be seen as a contentious issue either. There are some issues about which I feel strongly, when it comes to money management (such as farting it away via gambling, lottery tickets, and what not - in my view, this is not a healthy stewardship of money or wealth), but most times, I think that money can be discussed in an open dialogue, even amongst those who may disagree.

I'll start the dialogue with several things for you to think about:

1) To whom does our money belong? Put this in light of the fact that we all die and as the old saying goes, "we can't take it with us".

2) Why do you think people are so concerned with money? The saving of it. The spending of it. The hoarding of it. The lusting after it. What do you think are the root issues behind some of these practices?

3) What do you feel are some perceptions about money in general? That is, whether you have it or don't have it?

I am not planning to answer any of the above questions here in this blog entry - just something for you to think about.

As a Christian, I obviously base my view of money management on my worldview, which is very strongly shaped by my understanding of what the Bible says. Don't get me wrong, though - I tend to worry about finances from time to time as well (whether needlessly or otherwise), but my overarching principle is based on my sincere belief that God is ultimately in control of my finances and while His Word sheds or gleans some principles from which I can learn how to be a good steward of it, ultimately through experiences I have had, I can see His providence again and again.

I'll dissect all of this now...

Yesterday, my wife had a bit of a surprise when one of her long standing clients informed her that she will no longer be a client of her business, as of the end of this week. That is pretty short notice. I suspect our client's decision has a bit to do with the fact that she will be taking some time off next year once our new child is born. But in my wife's profession, client turnover is not to be unexpected, and in a way, we didn't really expect this.

However, as we chatted on the couch yesterday afternoon, it was clear that her absence would obviously have an impact on our finances. A big impact, considering she was my wife's biggest client (read: largest paycheque). As a result, as is normal amongst married couples who go through financial crunches, we had a discussion about how we will make it through this unexpected drop in revenue (and subsequently, profits) at a time that was a lot sooner than either one of us would have expected. My wife was naturally worried about how we would make it through the next few months, and I can certainly understand the anxiety something like this would bring. Of course, this is also in light of the fact that I got swindled for $600.00 through a paypal chargeback scheme two months ago, and the fact that I am leery on selling anything using paypal these days - of course, that has dropped my supplementary income significantly.

For whatever reason, I was not overly worried, and I really tried to encourage my wife not to worry as well, but you know how it is - money matters create great anxiety amongst people and understandably so. But thankfully, with some quick memory exercises, I managed to look at this in an overall perspective, based on my past experiences.

First, this is nothing new. We went through something similar back in 2002 when my wife was pregnant with our first son - back then, I remember using Microsoft Money as well as a tedious Excel spreadsheet that I kept, tracking our finances. Based on my salary at the time, plus my wife's maternity benefits, which were only a fraction of her salary at the time, we compared it to our expenses, and concluded that on paper, anyway, that we would be in the RED by about $800-$900 dollars per month. That is a pretty significant loss of income. Add to that the fact that we had an absolutely crappy automobile (which cost us $5,500.00 to buy in 2000, but by 2002, had cost us $6,400.00 in repair costs) that was sucking the financial life out of our family savings program, it wasn't looking good. The car was likely not a good idea for a vehicle in which to carry a new baby (due to its history of being very unreliable and dying in the most inopportune of places), so we needed a new car, especially with the winter coming). We were SOOOO stressed at the time, and we ended up, as a last resort (not as a first) to laying all of our financial burdens at God's feet, and asking Him to take over, since there was no way we would be able to survive, given this enormous shortfall.

You'll never guess what happened next.

The day after, I sat down in my room and prayed for a way to get rid of the money-eating car, and find some way to pay for a new one that was more reliable. Given the enormous amount of repairs on it, I doubt that anyone would pay the $3200.00 for which we had listed it. I was trying to find some free way to list the car, and somehow found this site, which I have never seen or heard of: http://www.usedcarsontario.com. I listed the car, with no photos (since I didn't have a digital camera at the time nor did I have a regular camera) at around 1:10PM in the afternoon. Within 30 minutes of me listing the car, I got one phone call (and just so you know, he was the only one who called throughout the whole process) from a guy named Reza, who was interested in the car, but he expected me to run it through the standard safety inspection and emissions test, which was common for sellers to pay to have done. I said, no problem. I brought it to the garage, and to my horror (though if I was thinking straight at the time, I should not have been surprised), it failed both the safety inspection and the emissions tests. I paid to have it restested by another garage, and it failed again. Cost was basically $1900.00 to repair to the point where the car will pass the safety and emissions test. I knew that Reza would back out once I told him of the repair costs, since I didn't have the money to cover it, and I certainly didn't expect him to cover it - plus, he probably thought, "what a piece of junk" and back out from the deal. To my surprise, he contemplated it for a while, and then came back and said, "tell you what, why don't we each pay half." I was shocked. Here was a guy who is looking to buy a car which I honestly have told him has had some problems, and on the safety/emissions, he offered to pay half of the repair costs. I was surprised, and said, "sure", and that was that, and I sold the car, and got some money for it. It turns out that had he not called (remember, he was the only one who responded to my ad), the car would have been valued at far less, and with the repairs, it would have been a simple write-off, and I wouldn't have made anything off of it, and would have been out a vehicle.

Now, skeptics out there may think, "this is just co-incidence, that you prayed and then you were unable to make some money off your car." Hold on...it gets better.

The following week, I get my gas bill from Enbridge (gas company) - with a note saying that they have, for whatever reason, overcharged us five months worth of gas bills. As a result, I won't have to pay the gas bill for five months (and remember, this was around November, so basically, I didn't have to pay the gas bill for much of the winter, when the gas bill would have been through the roof due to natural gas for the furnace and hot water tank). OK, you may still think this is all a coincidence...I'm not done yet...

Over the course of the winter, I discovered that I was going to be receiving a bonus from work. Then, that summer, I got perhaps one the biggest salary raises that I have ever experienced - about a 19.3% in my salary. That was very rare those days for employers to award such a large salary increase. But I receive it, and was very surprised. Could this have been coincidence as well, given all the other things so far? I have more...

A year after we got our nice little surprise on the bill from Enbridge, my wife gets a call from the bank. Our son was born, and he was about 8 months old or so. She calls me in the car, and I still remember where I was (driving northbound through the Steeles / McCowan intersection of northern Toronto). She said she needs to talk to me, so I need to stop off somewhere. Incidentally, I ended up stopping in the parking lot of a Chinese church, of all places, just north of the intersection. She told me the following: "the bank has called and indicated to me that our interest rate for our mortgage was way too much, and as a result, they would like to lower it. No strings attached."

Now, let me ask you - have you EVER heard of a bank wanting to lower your mortgage rate, no strings attached? Our mortgage was not even up for renewal and would not have been for another 2.5 years. Our rate back then was 7.25, and we ended up getting it lowered to 5.44%, which, if you know anything about mortgage rates, is a tremendous reduction, saving us thousands over the course of a year.

All of the above in the span of a year. Not to mention, we got back more on our taxes that year than we thought, and a year later, I would have a chance encounter with someone at work, with whom I never talk about personal things, but we managed to meet up in the cafeteria, and he introduced me to a group insurance company for car/home, and since I signed up, have saved literally over $1400.00 a year since 2004. Interestingly enough, shortly after our conversation, he was moved to a different account and I have not seen him since.

In the whole time during this stress period, we continued to tithe, even though is seemed, logically, to be counter-productive to our cost-savings practices. Yet, despite all of this, we managed to pay our bills, and even had a lot of money left in order to contribute to retirement savings investments. To this day, I can analyze our books back then, and I just have no idea where the money seemed to come from. Well, I do know, but I don't understand how it happened.

Since that time, God has honoured our desire for my wife to stay home and raise our son, but providing the opportunity to run a small business on the side that will allow her to stay home and also generate some extra revenue. I have also been blessed with some supplementary income through eBay and now's Craigslist, that has made me a LOT of money over the years. And I am still at my current job, and have been here for 10 years now, next month. I am not independently wealthy, but I'm not starving either, if you know what I mean. There are those who rabidly argue that it is not possible for a mother to stay home with her child in this day and age - we would disagree with that and have shown that it can be done - sure it's tougher, but it's well worth it to raise a well-adjusted, disciplined child, who knows love from his parents (as you can tell, I'm not a fan of children-in-daycare for our kids - this is another discussion altogether on another blog post that I may do in the future).

So when I see another financial crunch coming in the future, I tend not to worry (I'm not saying I won't, just that I tend not to). Much of this is due to seeing how God has taken care of us over the years, and have not only provided for us, but have blessed us in abundance financially. When things aren't looking that rosy ahead, I would just encourage you to look back to see how God has brought you to this point, and just continue to trust Him for your ongoing needs. He does provide. This is not just a theory they float on Sunday mornings. It is true. We've experienced it.

Now, let's move from my own experience to what I understand the Bible says about money management, and I'm not talking about investment principles here, as important as they are.

I've said this before in my blog entry discussing gambling, but it's worth it to repeat - the Bible references the topic of money/wealth/investing/financial stewardship more often than any other topic, including heaven/hell combined. God, in His wisdom, knew that people would struggle over money, so he had a lot to say about it, since he knew people would face all sorts of financial anxieties in the future.

It is interesting to note that in the book of Malachi, God challenges people to test Him when it comes to money (while I am no Biblical scholar, I believe this is the only place in the Bible where God has challenged people to test Him). There are many parables amount money, there are a lot of principles about wealth management gleaned from both the Old Testament and the New Testament. Not just money, but possessions as well, since we know that satan is constantly on the prowl looking to entrap people with wealth. One thing to remember, and then I have to abruptly finish this blog entry, since I am suffering carpel tunnel syndrome right now - remember that the Bible is NOT against wealth. The Bible is not anti-money. When people quote the Bible (1 Timothy, I think) and say that "Money is the Root of All Evil", that is completely incorrect. What the passage says is "The Love of Money is the Root of All Evil" (emphasis mine). This is consistent with what it says in Luke about not being able to serve two masters - you either serve God or money. Money is not the problem. Being a slave to it, or lusting after it, is. By keeping a proper perspective of what money is, how is it obtained, and where it comes from, it will help to prevent such a "I love money" mentality from forming, and I do believe, that, just like all things, if you put God's will ahead of your own in your life, and trust in Him to provide for you (Matthew 6:25-34), He will keep his promises and supply all your needs, monetary or otherwise.

Dealing With Rude Customers

I had an interesting experience tonight when my propane tank emptied the rest of itself out right when I started barbecuing a couple of steaks. My wife was famished, and my son was nearing refugee status when it came to his appetite, so as the attentive husband that I try to be, I disconnected the propane tank and went to the nearest Canadian Tire to get it refilled. As is the normal custom, I drop off my tank to the pimply-faced teenager who was going to refill it, while I went into the claustrophobic cashier's booth/bunker in order to pay for it. I was walking at a brisk pace, and was about to reach for the door handle to the bunker, when some dude in his 50s jogged ahead - no, let's call a spade a spade - he butted ahead of me and pulled the door open and slid through, not bothering to do the courteous thing and hold it open for what he knew would be a guy coming right behind him. I was a bit miffed, but this stuff happens all the time in Toronto, so I didn't think much of it.

Since technically he showed up first, the cashier inside served him first, though he shot a glance at me, expressing his acknowledgement that I probably should have been in line first. I shrugged and nonverbally responded, "doesn't matter". And the fact was, it didn't matter. It's a long weekend (extra long for me since I have Tuesday off as well), I was in a good mood, as was the family - and while the family was getting hungry, I was going as fast as I could.

The cashier leaned over and said to the guy ahead of me, "That's two tanks, right?" Dude in his 50s then lost it and started shouting at the cashier, "No, I have one tank!" Cashier responded, "Oh, I thought you had brought in two..." which aggravated the customer even more.

"What the f*$# is wrong with you, you &&*%$#$?!?" as the older guy made a backhand motion (like he was about to swat the guy, but he held his hand in the air and put it down). The cashier, a younger guy, just sat there and stopped making eye contact. "That's $16.00, please". As the older guy was fishing for his wallet, I just stood staring at him, wondering why this jerk thought it was appropriate to tee off on this poor cashier, who I'm sure wanted to be anywhere else but work, on a Friday night before the long weekend.

While the guy was taking his wallet out of his obviously too-tight-for-his-fat-ass pants, he glanced at me, who was glancing at him. I am not sure why I kept staring at him, but I just stood there and looked at him, like he was a guinea pig in an experimental cage. I guess it was my way to show my displeasure on how he was treating this cashier this way. I'm sure it didn't help that he butt in front of me just seconds before. When he took out his cash, he threw it on the counter, at which point the cashier issued him the receipt and "PAID" slip to hand to the acne-prone teen outside who was literally pumping gas. The cashier started to explain what the slips were for when the guy just grabbed it and said, "yeah, yeah, yeah... and started walking off, when he saw me still looking at him. He stopped.

"What the f$^& are you looking at?" he says to me. I seldom stare at people at all (just ask my wife, I'm not much of a people watcher), and if I accidentally do glance at someone and they ask me what I'm staring at, I usually apologize and look the other way or go back to whatever I was doing. In this case, I don't know what it was, and I'm sure with more time to process things, I would have probably defaulted to my regular response, due to me not being on my medication, out of my mouth blurted the following: "I'm looking at a guy who obviously has no manners." I said it stoically, and evenly. Then I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

He just stood there and looked at me. Let me tell you folks, it's been a long time since I've had anyone look at me this way. And it wasn't a look of affection or brotherhood. The last person who looked at me like that called me a offensive racial epithet, and this was more than 20 years ago. I swear, he was about to clock me right then and there (would have been hard to explain this one to my wife - "honey, I was just out to get propane, and I came back with a broken nose"). Truth be told, though, had he hit me, getting his propane home safely would have been the least of his worries.

Thankfully, he realized that he probably should go home and vent off some steam and barbecue something with his new single tank of propane, and he just turned and walked off. Good for him - his wife probably wouldn't have appreciated him spending the long weekend in jail, charged with assault.

I looked at the cashier and expressed a facial gesture indicating, "wow". He responded with a body gesture indicating, "this happens to me all the time."

Why am I telling you all this, aside from the fact that I felt pretty good standing up to someone who obviously had some anger management issues (disclaimer: kids, don't do this at home)? It's also to illustrate a point that I see way too often in customer relations, and furthermore, dispel an age-old myth that the customer is always right and that you should not only ask the customer, "how would you like it?", but also bend over when asking them that question.
I do not subscribe to that way of handling customers at all.

A few years ago, part of my job included being a technical escalation for end users. I won't go into great detail about what I did, but part of the role as a team leader was to field the most cranky, ticked off customer complaints about our various support teams. It wasn't enough that I had to worry about my own team (which I could handle since there was a degree of control and influence I could exercise over how my team did their technical troubleshooting with the customer), but I was also responsible for other team's customer issues. So if our helpdesk team got a complaint, it would be escalated to me, even though I could not directly impact the expeditious resolution of the aforementioned issue, since the helpdesk team reported to a different manager. Similarly, we had people in the U.S. (not on my direct team) that made lots of mistakes - for reasons I still don't comprehend, I was the first to hear the gripes from the customer. Same with any complaints for our engineering team, etc. While I didn't necessarily have to solve all the issues by myself, I had to hear the raw, unfiltered, first responses, when people were the most heated under the collar. I can tell you that this was the least favourite aspect of my job, but it quickly dawned on me that this was an area where I would learn much, and develop skills as a negotiator, communicator, and listener.

And listen I did. And it was suggested many times (sometimes by my own management) just to give the customer what they want, since they are the customer. However, I exercised a huge dose of discretion in how I dealt with irate customers. I can tell you that the guy at Canadian Tire running the cashier bunker wasn't much off in how he dealt with the customer. Some rules from my own experience over the years.

1) The customer is not always right. People will roast me for saying this, but I believe it's true. The key here is determining what the customer wants and addressing their rooted concerns. Many times, the way they react is only a symptom of a deeper need. Find out what that need is, doing it in a professional and encouraging way. If the customer is wrong, don't be afraid to tactfully state the facts - not in an accusing manner. Redirect the conversation back to resolving the problem rather than placing blame. The cashier at the propane bunker did that - just kept it to the business at hand - he did not assent to the way he was treated.

2) Don't let the customer aggravate you. Some customers love to get under your skin, by making snide or inappropriate remarks. I was at a customer site last week rebuilding the software configuration a print server, when I heard them complaining about their jobs, about the contract my company has with their customer company, the fact that there's no money to pay for anything, etc. I simply nodded, heard what they said, asked some questions and went back to work. I totally disagreed with some of what they were saying, but that was not the time nor place to discuss things outside of our control, espcially considering the crazy amount of money I was billing them by the hour. Even if they swear at you, don't react. However, you don't have to take it either. Almost every company supports their employees walking away from abusive language situations (and harrassment is taken very seriously these days).

3) Remember, you have bad days too. Cut your customers some slack. Everyone has bad days and will tee off on someone eventually. Of course, some people are naturally abusive, but the good news is most customers are not even close to being abusive. They may be demanding, but there are ways to deal with that (see above). The best thing to do is to listen to what the customer is telling you, and then from that determine what they really want.

4) Don't be afraid to make suggestions. If there's one thing I am told that I am fairly decent at in the corporate workplace, it's that I can provide alternate solutions. This sort of goes back to the customer is not always right thing. For instance, one of my clients at work, who is a fairly high level manager, will oftentimes insist on his way of doing things. Something goes wrong, he gets mad, I'm the senior technical consultant on our account, so I generally field all of the "why doesn't this work" complaints. Oftentimes, I realize that while it may be easier for me to recommend or implement a fix to a current problem, sometimes, I try to be bold and explain that what the customer is thinking may not be the best solution and I offer alternatives. This actually does two things: one, it helps you keep control of the situation and manage it, but it also shows your ability to think outside the box, and that shows your thought leadership, which I know is very sought after by managers.

5) Some people just can't be helped. Leave them alone, and call security. Two Saturdays ago, my wife, son and I went to a company picnic at Ontario Place (amusement/theme park + more in downtown Toronto). I was in line with my son on one of the rides when some guy (named Scott - I only knew because his wife was trying to calm him down after by calling his name) about 20 people ahead of me started complaining that his little (and I mean little) daughter would not be allowed on the bumper boat water ride because she was well under the safety line. If this idiot had bothered to check before he got into line (there's a measurement picture when you get into line and also one when the people managing the ride takes your kid to the boats - they measure you jsut in case), he would have known his daughter was too short. But no...he threw a complete shitstorm, threatening the teenage girls who were running the rides. They did the right thing by staying on topic and re-enforcing the rules to him in a calm manner. But Mr. Temper (and he must have been around 30) decided to come back after he stomped off and called, in his loudest, I'm-going-to-kill-you voice, "You f&!@@% ass*##$%" - to the girls, and then to EVERYONE in line. Remember, we all had little kids there. I think while the parents were all shocked to see this guy mouth off in front of all their kids, they probably felt more sorry for his wife and his two young kids who had to watch their father go ballistic in public and truly embarrass his own family. My wife turned to me and said, "could you imagine if he's like this in public, what he's like in private?" I concur. There are some people like this who you should not even bother dealing with - just call security, or make sure you have a weapon within reach.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, manners and common courtesy seem to fly by the wayside with some people. So eventually, in whatever line of work you do, you are bound to come across unreasonable and rude people. The key to successfully interacting them is managing their expectations. By doing so, you not only curb potentially ugly confrontations, but you will be able to foster and grow the client-vendor relationship to make your business a success going forward.

Why Don't You See Asian Guys With White, Black, or Latino Girls

I can't believe I'm writing about this topic, but in some recent interactions I've had with several Asian guys, I get the sense that there seems to be a perceived inequality amongst Asian guys who seem to think that Asian women are being snatched up by white or black or latino guys, yet they can't seem to find a white or black or latino girlfriend or wife. There are tons of articles / blogs / forums which discuss why Asian-American or Asian-Canadian females (AAF or ACF) tend to be attracted to predominantly white guys, so I won't go there (although I will say some of the arguments are not as bulletproof as the writers would have their readers believe); instead, I will be dealing with the topic of why I think that you don't see as many Asian males with non-Asian females, as well as why there seems to be a perception that Asian males don't even get opportunities to date Asian females. But first...

One of the few documentaries that deal with this can easily be found online. Just do a search on "Yellow Fever" by Philip Wong. I have posted a link here:

Yellow Fever

While I think this documentary is pretty well done for a student, and there are some truths exposed in it; however, it does not deal with any of the underlying issues, probably because of the fact that the video was a light-hearted look at the area of interracial relationships from an Asian male perspective. I also take issue with the fact that it targets predominantly white girls as potential girlfriends, totally ignoring other ethnic groups like blacks and latinas (and Indians and Aboriginals).

Let me state some facts, at the outset, to provide some context and frame this discussion. 1) I am married to a non-Asian, so I have some experience I can share from a personal level, 2) Unlike the bulk of articles and blogs out there, it is not my intention nor desire to take sides here. It is certainly not my place to suggest who you should date; it is equally not my place to suggest to you who you should NOT date. Many others have taken one side (I only date whites and here's why) or the other side (I only date Asians and here's why) . In other words, I not an exclusivist in my viewpoints, and I think by arguing from a pro-ethnic dating position, you are really robbing yourself of other opportunities that may be available to you.

I will start by discussing what I perceive the mentality of the North American Asian male to be. This is hardly conclusive, but I am willing to bet that there are more than a few Asian guys who will agree with me on this. Again, I did not research any of this, so I can't quantify it for you via a study or statistics. However, what I know is by experience and this is what experience has taught me:

Throughout our lives in North America, we have been fed the media and probably societal expectation of what beauty is. While it has evolved to a more balanced perspective in the past decade or so, many North American boys (Asian or otherwise) grow up thinking that the women you see on TV in beauty pageants, in movies, in television shows, and what not are the model for women. It just so happens that most of the women that have been models, or what society considers beautiful, in the past 20+ years, have been white women. That has slowly changed to the point where more women of colour - notably, black women, are being featured as models and symbols of "sexiness", but bear in mind that men in their 20s, 30s and higher have had more exposure of the former, rather than the latter.

Add to that the vast majority of young males' (if not all young males) subjection to both softcore and hardcore pornography. Again, if you look at the vast majority of images, it is a white girl or white woman who is featured as one who is ready and willing to provide sexual services in a seductive manner to men. If you every talk with an Asian male about what qualities of white women they are attracted to, they will likely say, blonde, big breasts, probably a tad on the slutty side, etc. That is the kind of women they have been presented by their exposure to movies, TV and pornography. Case in point, and I don't know whether she is still considered this, but I suspect she is: look at Pamela Anderson. Guys go ga ga over her, but if you were really to look at her objectively, aside from the fake boobs, and the sheer volume of makeup that, to be frank, makes her look a bit like Tammy Faye Bakker, she is not all that attractive (and yes, I know attractiveness is pretty subjective).

So Asian males will tend to have that perception growing up. No question, Asian females will have the same perception from the media about what handsome men look like. A real travesty is that so many people give credence to these celebrity magazines and their yearly polls on "sexiest man alive", etc. Notice there are almost no minority men on that list, and in particular no Asian men? (to my surprise, I read last year that Daniel Dae Kim - a fantastic actor in his own right - made it to the cover as one of the top 25). I don't follow Hollywood at all, but it seems kind of dumb when you hear on the news that it's always some celebrity/actor that gets these, and it's usually the Brad Pitts/Jude Laws/George Clooneys - freaking Hollywood actors. Asian girls will inevitably look at these men as a barometer of success and masculinity.

Add to the above the fact that Asians (male and female) who have either born or raised (or both) in North America tend to work harder to assimilate / integrate with the general populace, and as a result, are likely striving to perpetuate positive images of themselves as Westernized Asian men and women, while at the same time, dispelling negative age-old stereotypes (see itemized list below). As a result, these folks tend to distance themselves from other Asians who they consider "fresh off the boat", or FOBs, whose mannerisms and cultural idiosyncrasies differ than what they have been used to in Canada/U.S./Australia/Britain, etc. As a result, Asian FOBs become the antithesis of potential dating material for both Asian males and Asian females. Stemming from this is a attitude of higher scrutiny when it comes to their fellow Asians as dating or marriage material. So with FOBby women and men out of the picture, who is left?

Many North American born or bred Asians tend to have a much more diverse friend base (this is a very good thing, in terms of rejecting simply homogenous relationships for comfort's sake, as historically has been the case), and as a result, when it comes to dating, they generally will look at their friends and acquaintances first, which are likely not very Asian-centric. Couple that with the mindset that develops from boyhood/girlhood into manhood/womanhood that I have described above, and you have all the recipes of desiring to have an extra-Asian interracial relationship. Add to that the historically prejudiced mindset of older Asian parents (born 1950s or earlier) towards black people (don't tell me this is not true - I have seen enough of it in older Asian parents to know it is), that leaves their Asian kids to consider predominantly white folks for dating and marriage.

A great example to illustrate this is simply to pay attention to any politicians/athletes/celebrities/businesspeople (I say these only because they are more visible) who are of Asian extraction, again male or female, particularly those who speak English perfectly without an accent. Nine times out of ten, they are in a relationship/marriage with someone who is likely white. Elaine Chao (U.S. Secretary of Labour) married to Mitch McConnell. Judge Lance Ito (O.J. Simpson judge) married to a white lady. Bill Lee (who married Al Gore's daughter, who is white). Jeanette Lee (amazing female pool player) - married to a white guy. Dustin Nguyen (from 21 Jump Street) - married a white girl. Andrea Jung - CEO of Avon - married a white guy. Kristi Yamaguchi (figure skater) - married a white guy (Bret Hedican, I think), Pauline Chan (local Toronto news anchor) - married white guy. Yo-Yo Ma (brilliant celloist) - married to a white woman. David Suzuki (Canadian environmentalist and scientist) - married to white woman. Tess Gerritsen (exceptional New York Times best selling author, whose books I love to read) - married white guy. Michele Malkin (conservative blogger whose blogs I read occasionally) - married white guy. Adrienne Clarkson (former Governor General of Canada) - married white dude. Inky Mark (one of very few Asian mayors of a Canadian town or city) - married to a white lady. Scott Oki - former Microsoft executive - married a white lady. Ben Chin (former Toronto TV anchor/journalist) - married a white lady. Several guys at my workplace - married to non-Asians. Lots of guys on the Asian forum that I frequent - married to non-Asians. My former pastor - married a white woman. My sister - married a white guy. Myself - married a part-French/part Native girl. My brother and my cousins - all interested in whites. The only public official that I remember being wrong on, in guessing that they were married to someone white due to the fact that he spoke perfect English without and accent and is very "North Americanized", is former Washington state Governor Gary Locke (I believe his Chinese ancestral name was Lok, but the family changed it when they moved to the U.S.). He is married to an American born Asian lady. That is rare, I think, especially in the public eye.

Here's the problem...stereotypes move both ways, both what are perceived to be positive stereotypes and also negative stereotypes. Unfortunately, Asian males (and Asian females, to a much lesser extent) are subject to some of the more negative stereotypes. I'm sure you've heard some of these before:

-Asian men are generally bookworms, nerdy types
-Asian men are shy, reserved, and quiet (in other words, not as social)
-Asian men are physically weaker
-Asian men are not aggressive or even assertive
-Asian men are not romantics, or are unemotional, or unsentimental
-Asian men do not play sports (unless it's Nintendo Wii)
-Asian men eat weird, exotic food
-Asian men practise buddhism
-Asian men poach endangered animals for herbal remedies
-Asian men do not care about their appearance or their physique
-A good time for an Asian man is to sing karaoke
-Asian men are bad drivers
-Asian men are all mama's boys
-Asian men listen to classical music

...and who can possibly forget...

Asian men have small penises

So even though many Asian guys who were born or raised in North America, and are just as Canadian or American as the next guy, racist stereotypes will set them to a disadvantage with white women (and probably black women and latinas as well).

Unfortunately, the same racial stereotypes perpetrated onto Asians in general by the North American culture (don't believe me? Look at the jokes thrown the way for William Hung - it wasn't just his singing, trust me), Asian men and women throw at each other. As a result, you really don't see all that many born-and-bred-in-Canada-and-the-USA Asian guys and girls getting together all that often because they spend too much time stereotyping and dismissing each other.

What the Canadian or American Asian male needs to do is contribute to the breaking of these stereotypes. There's a band out there that I read about, and is promoted quite a bit by Intel and online music websites is a Washington, DC band called The Speaks. I believe three of the guys are Asian, and their music is not bad. These guys definitely defy the stereotype - the lead singer is some Asian dude who is pretty tattooed, one guy has long hair and the other guy is pretty muscular. This is a much better representation of Asians, than even an established guy like James Iha (of Smashing Pumpkins) who was reclusive, quiet (though he was extremely talented). When women start seeing Asian guys as cool, then they will be more open to dating them. It's no different than Asians in sports - they are breaking the stereotype. Even look at Tiger Woods (who has a good chunk of Asian blood in him) - he defies the stereotype in probably every possible way - and he ended up marrying a white girl.

I want to address one more issue before I close up shop on this topic, and it's addressed specifically to Asian guys. This one is about keeping your mind and heart open to perhaps dating Asian girls (we're talking Canadian and American born and bred Asian girls - I can understand the no-FOB preference). A few Asian guys I have talked with have automatically dismissed the possibility or potential of dating Asian girls, even those who have the same interests, are in the same culture and are just as American or Canadian as other girls. I can appreciate that, as at one point in my life, I held that view. Over time, though, with some maturity and experience in meeting different people as friends and colleagues, my view has shifted. While I am totally, completely, unequivically dead-set against the traditional opinion of "dating within your own race only", I also completely and rabidly reject the exclusivist opinion that "I will date anyone but Asian girls" or "I will date anyone except black girls" and so forth. Some guys blame Asian girls for flocking to white guys in droves (and I mean droves), but I believe Asian men have some contribution to this, since they either refuse to, or do not want to step up to the plate to present themselves as a suitable...well, suitor, to a quality Asian girl. I'd even go so far as to say that this could constitute reverse discrimination, and while I will never use such guilt-laden terms like "race traitor" and "banana" or whatever else, I do think that the man who will date anyone else other than Asian women, or will not even consider Asian women as an option, has some serious self-esteem or identity issues. Berate me all you want - you know I speak the truth here. Anyway, I totally understand that people have preferences, but in my view, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, regardless of race or background. I guess it really comes down to how you define beauty. Some Asians have said to me that they don't like Asian women because of flat noses, stubby legs, short stature, bad haircuts, etc. - I think they've either been watching too much Western porn or hanging around the FOBby side of the tracks. No doubt, there are some pretty ugly Asian women out there, but trust me, there are an equal number of ugly white women, ugly black women, ugly latina women, ugly aboriginal women, ugly indian women. Attractiveness and non-attractiveness knows no ethnic boundaries, in my view, and consider this: if physical attraction is your number one criteria in choosing a girlfriend or a spouse, you will be SOL when she gets old, or if she gets into a car accident and her body and face are mangled or disfigured.

I know some people who are unmarried, are desperately looking to get married, meet some good quality women, but dismiss them only for absolutely trite (in my opinion) reasons. One fellow has told me he wants to get married badly and has, in the past, asked me to pray for him, that God will find the right gal for him. He met this one girl who was absolutely wonderful for him - mature, great personality, humble spirit, giving nature. He told me it would never work out since she was Hispanic, and he was looking for someone who was white, like him. Last I heard, dude is now around 37 and is still desperately seeking susan. What can I say? Another fellow I know, an Asian guy, told me that he is looking for a blonde, 5' 9" or taller, athletic and educated woman. Yet he's met other good, solid candidates, which he has told me are compatible with him, but he is not attracted to them. Even if he meets someone who meets his criteria, we'll see where he is in 30 years when she she will look like she's 80. I find it a bit funny that the people who expect the most perfection in their criteria will seldom find it - and they will be complaining the most about it; but those who have more mature and reasoned preferences will more than likely find perfection in places and people where they would not have looked at, in their younger days. Trust me on this one.

Should You Ever Negotiate for Hostages?

In the last couple of days, I heard the good news that 19 Christian missionaries from South Korea will be released from their Taliban captors. There were originally 23, but unfortunately, two of them were executed by the Taliban already. Two more were freed previously.

I also heard that this was not a good deed on the Taliban's part, but instead, was part of a negotiated deal that includes the conditions that South Korea pull out its remaining non-combat troops like engineers and medics (I thought it was a strange request as well, as I thought they'd pick the combat troops to pull out) as well as promise not to have any more Christian missionaries in Afghanistan.

Now, I am sure this will draw the ire of the U.S. (and I believe the U.K.), who continues to maintain a no-negotiation policy with terrorists. This was shown in the fact they these countries willfully allowed their own citizens to be executed by terrorists, while they sat by and "regretted" the circumstances.

I don't know - something just doesn't seem right with this. I can appreciate their stance, in principle, but letting innocent people die does not seem humane. On the other hand, I know that by negotiating with terrorists, you are essentially empowering them, giving them what they want, and in this case, who's to say that that Taliban won't view South Korea's actions as a victorious precedent that they can now utilize with citizens of other countries?

I was recently on a discussion forum in which I was embroiled in an argument with someone about the hostage situation with the South Koreans. They maintained that the South Koreans missionaries knew the risks of going into a very hostile and volatile country, and as a result, it is their fault that they got themselves captured and they shouldn't expect their government to bail you out. I can appreciate that point, but I countered with the fact that if no one took any risks to help others, we would have a lot more people dying on this globe, as people would stay within the borders of their own countries. And I believe it is important to rise above people who do and act evil, and continue to show compassion and support - this is one of the thing that make some Christians so counter-cultural to society at large, as they are following Christ's command to help those who are hungry, thirsty, in need, etc. That being said, I don't believe the South Korean missionaries ever asked or solicited their government's assistance to help them out - the government initiated the talks with the Taliban. To the South Korean government's credit, they did recognize the value of life, that they would do something that is considered pretty despicable in order to get their citizens back.

While I can appreciate the U.S. and British policies, I am very uncomfortable with the fact that you let your innocent civilians die. Of course, if the Taliban kidnapped Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Ritchie, they can do with them what they wish, and I would support a no-negotiation policy in that case - maybe even pay the Taliban for their kindness. However, for people who are in the countries to help others, I think their home countries need to fight for their release, even if it means bowing to some pressure to negotiate. They may need to take their lumps and then return with a new strategy, for the sake of innocent lives.

Obviously South Korea did not meet all the hostages' demands - they are not released captured Taliban terrorists, and they are not pulling out combat troops. So from that sense, it's not like South Korea keeled over to the Taliban.

Despite this, though, and as very sympathetic as I am to the South Korean government for negotiating for the release of their innocent citizens, I see several long-term problems with this:

1) This is sending a really bad message to both the enemy and to South Korean's allies - the ones who are fighting against the enemy. Now that the Taliban knows that they can get some sort of compromise with one country, you can bet they will try to work on another country. Meanwhile, tons of countries are fighting against the Taliban on behalf of the frail Afghan government in order to raise the authority of the current government. The fact that an established country (and an ally of the good guys) like South Korea negotiated with the bad guys is not very good. It is, really, undermining the mission in Afghanistan, and who the enemy is, since you're really giving them power as a result.

2) We will now likely see an increase of kidnappings of international workers in Afghanistan, holding them hostage for money or the release of terrorists. This sets a pretty bad precedent, and more countries will likely face similar ethical decisions in the future. But then again, if the South Korean government stayed muted on this issue, there is no doubt that the Taliban would have killed all of the missionaries in due time, and this would be a serious tragedy.

I'm not really sure what I would do in this case - this is one of those issues where I can really see both sides and empathize with both sides. However, in the interest of long-lasting peace, and to not give the terrorists what they want - thereby defeating them slowly, I would ultimately have to side with not negotiating with terrorists. I know it's easy to say when it's not my friends or family being held hostage. But that is my position.

I think it would be very beneficial if these international workers all have some sort of liability waiver that they sign and the governments have on record, whereby they recognize that they are doing things at their own risk, and if they are captured, they are on their own and no one will be negotiating for their release. This may actually deter kidnappers, since there's really no incentive to kidnap, if the worker and their government acknowledge that their release will not be negotiated.

This one is controversial, but I actually support South Korea's decision not to send in any missionaries. In the past decade or so, I have thought about this a whole lot, and while it sounds harsh, I think that if you go into a hostile country and they so hate you that they will kill you on the spot and have killed others who are preaching the gospel there, it may not be as good of a time to be evangelizing now. Yes, I know - the Bible teaches that there will be those who will be killed for the gospel, and Jesus commands His followers to preach the gospel to the ends of the earth. But at the same time, while those so militantly against the gospel are in need of salvation, there's no point in presenting the gospel to them, if they won't even listen. I know, I know - it's not us who does the changing of the hearts, and this is probably why I was not called to be a missionary overseas to terrorist countries (sorry Keith Green - I have to disagree with you there). I am not sure what message you send when you make Christians ripe for the picking by terrorists. This is no different than sending a Black Christian into a KKK meeting to preach the gospel. Sure, it needs to be done, but maybe it can be done a different way other than that. I'm sure that in this case, there is much value in K.P. Yohannan's view that foreign missionaries are not as effective as local missionaries (I've held this view since 1998, and I'm even more strongly in favour of it nowadays), and the best thing to do is probably to train Christian Afghanis to go witness to their countrymen, and then pull out the foreign missionaries. That way, the gospel is still being preached, but the chance of the Taliban picking off an obviously non-Afghan citizen is reduced.

We're Pregnant Again!

Well, it is with this post that I am announcing, albeit with only very slightly suppressed enthusiasm, that my wife and I are expecting another little one again. I say with "suppressed enthusiasm", as it was almost a year ago that we were in the same boat. At that point, I was absolutely delighted, and started researching baby books again and planning for the future, etc. However, it wasn't meant to be, and last October, we lost the baby through a miscarriage. If I am honest with myself, I think that it would be a fair statement to say that the miscarriage has weighed on me for the good portion of the past year (if you wish to read more about our experience with the miscarriage, please check my blog entries from the past few months).

This experience has affected me much more than I had anticipated, and while I'm sure some people thought that I should have moved on after some time, the fact of the matter is that it was difficult to do so for some reason. It's ironic that about 2-3 years ago, one of my colleagues at work lost his baby through a miscarriage. He was devastated and took a month off work. My manager at the time allowed him the time off, but seemed to think it was excessive, and in a way, I did as well - after all, who mourns for an unknown baby for that long???). He returned back to "normal" a couple of months later, but for me, I don't think I returned to "normal" until maybe 8 months later. In retrospect, I strongly believe that the reason why I took this so hard and took so long to mourn is because of my inherent belief in the sanctity of life, at any level, including in utero. I have been vociferously against abortion for years, but I've never really figured out why I seem to be so much more passionate about that issue than any of the other hot-topic issues that seem to permeate Christian discussions (like euthanasia, homosexuality, capital punishment, etc.). I really think it has to do with my personal belief that a baby, no matter now small, even a just-created fetus, is a God-created being with a soul. So when my own baby essentially died, it was, for me, was as painful as anyone close to me dying (which thankfully has been very far and few between), but it was truly worse, since it was part of myself and part of my wife dying. Sure, people may say that I did not ever know the child per se, but sorry folks, I don't believe that. I believe that every parent has a spiritual connection to their unborn child, even if it is at a subconscious level. It's hard to explain and put into words. Anyway, I think it also revaled to me that I valued life a lot more than I had ever thought about, particularly innocent life.

This experience has also helped me to be more sensitive to other people's experiences of mourning, since I never know when I will be actually walking in their shoes...

It has definitely been a few challenging years in the family planning department, for us. Part of it had to do with how long we tried to conceive again, thinking that perhaps one or both of us may have been infertile. The caveat in all this is that I am not one of those types who will try to conceive at all costs, or do anything to make pregnancy a reality. Some people may go the medical route with fertility drugs and artificial insemination or surrogate mothering, but from the outset, I told my wife that I wasn't interested in those options (though I certainly don't begrudge those who do), and I was prepared for the fact that we may never get pregnant again. While I do not know why God allowed this to happen to us, I think it's safe to say that my wife and I accepted it for what it was and hopefully one day we will know why it happened to us.

I spent the past 9-10 months or so pondering a lot of this. I stood in front of our church and told our congregation one Sunday morning this past April, that throughout the process, I was never upset or mad at God for what happened. I still believe this. I simply did not understand why it happened, though I have an inkling that God may be preparing us to minister to other couples who have gone through the same thing. But over time, I did develop both acceptance of what occurred, as well as having a peace towards the future, whether it was a future with more kids, or us enjoying the little boy that we already have, who is already such a blessing.

This brings us to a few months ago, when one day, my wife called me to come see her in the bathroom. Judging by the tone of her voice, I suspected that she had taken a pregnancy test. I have known my wife for 15 years this year, and after all that time, I have a pretty good sense of what she's thinking by what she says (or saying it in a less diplomatic way, I have pretty much figured her out and know what she's up to most of the time... :-)). I was right on this one, and as I looked at the + and - lines that indicated pregnancy on that overpriced testing instrument, I let out only a slight smile. She asked, "aren't you excited?" I said, "we'll see" and I went back to doing whatever I was doing (probably writing an entry in this here blog). Honestly, it was a bit surreal at that point, but at the same time, I believe I had unintentionally erected some mental barriers to potentially cushion me in the event we have another miscarriage. To this day, I know those barriers are still there and I have no intention of deliberately removing them. Experiencing a miscarriage has made me a bit cynical about the whole pregnancy process. The apprehension increases as the days wear on, but I have found it has provided me a more balanced outlook on life, and perhaps exposing my fallacy in thinking that I can simply plan out the future, ignoring God's will in the process, which I think I was doing to a large degree last time. The Bible does say to manage each day at a time, as each day has its own troubles (my grossly paraphrased Matthew 6:34).

My wife is around 12 weeks now, and it is only until tonight, that I decided to go back on babycenter.com to register the pregnancy and look up what the baby is doing now, and what we can expect, etc. I am getting excited again, but it is a reserved excitement. I remember last time around, doing all this at 5-6 weeks, and getting into the heavy reading again, simply assuming that it was simply a matter of time until the baby was born, simply like putting your leftovers from dinner last night in the microwave oven, setting the time and expecting a "ding" in a few minutes - simply routine. This time, I was almost in a state of denial until about a week ago, when we told our boy and filmed a video of him announcing the pregnancy, which we have since sent out to family and friends. Of course, holding this good news inside, while we both wanted so badly to tell people, was tremendously difficult, but at the same time, I think it was a wise decision, and we can certainly better appreciate why people usually wait until 12 weeks or 3 months, or whatever, to tell everyone.

Now that I set some context here, by revisiting the past and quickly touching on the present, I'd like to take a bit of time (and I mean a bit, since it's getting pretty late, according to the clock, and I'm starting to fade out a bit here) to discuss the future. Now, you may think that this is counter-intuititive, based on what I had already said, so I should explain. When I mean discussing the future, I don't mean how we will set up a baby room, what names to pick, and what keep-myself-awake exercises I will need to do for a screaming infant who can't sleep at night. Of course, all those things are fun to think about, but I not thinking in that vein right now. What I am thinking about is what kind of father will I be the second time? Would I change anything from the first time? Would my wife change anything this time around? If it is a girl, how would I relate? (honestly, this has been an interesting one, since my son and I do a lot - and I mean a LOT of what has been traditionally considered father-son activities. I have no idea what adjustments I'll have to make if we have a girl - I'm sure my wife will be delighted though, since I'm sure she's getting tired with the ever-increasing levels of testosterone that my son and I bring to the kitchen table every night).

In the meantime, I am ultra-sensitive to anything my wife is experiencing these days - she says that she is sore and I respond lightning-quick, "where??", and I proceed to mentally catalog all of our medical emergency numbers in case I need to place a call right away. She will call me to the bathroom and say, "come see this", and I think, "uh-oh...blood", when all she wanted to show me was the fact that I can't seem to aim my clothes into the laundry hamper. She will tell me that she needs to lie down, and I am thinking , "is this bad?" My son would brush up against her belly as he walked by and I'd tear a strip out of him for the accidental nudge. Yes folks, I am on edge...just a slight bit.

However, at the same time, there is no other feeling in the world like this. Knowing that God is crafting up another little child for us to take care of really brings me a lot of joy (since I found out we are expecting again, I have almost always referred to this child as baby #3). I am sure I speak on behalf of my wife when I say that we would absolutely appreciate your prayers as we go through this exciting, albeit nervous time. Thanks for reading all this.