God Works In Interesting Ways

It's funny, because lately, I have joined an online discussion forum in which anything goes, topics wise. Several parts of the forum recently had threads along the lines of "Why I am No Longer a Christian". Little did I know that there were so many people who had an opinion of Christianity, and not a positive one. The fact that this site had predominantly Canadians and Americans of Asian descent as their user base, added extra complexity to how I was going to frame my contributions to the discussion, as the audience was going to be mostly buddhist or atheist. I wanted to read a lot of the postings and get a flavour of people's personalities and temperments before I start to delve into their points and open it to a back and forth discussion. My interest is in Biblical apologetics anyway, so I would humbly say that I am more comfortable debating the Bible and theology with non-Christians than the average church-going North American born-again believer. Still, because of the hostile tone of the posts and some of the absolutely denigrating comments made about Christianity (interestingly enough, much of this was directed at what most people think constitutes Christianity - the Roman Catholic church - from what they see in the media and movies. I had no desire, nor interest in defending Roman Catholicism, so someone else would have to do that job), I wanted to make sure that I approach my response in a constructive, logical and empathetic way (since I'm prone to do quite the opposite).

My interest was in some of the comments about the Bible and how science and theology cannot co-exist, and how the Bible is false, Christians are all hypocrites, and so forth. I have been thinking of how I would engage the discussion and I started recently by empathizing with the writers, in that I totally agree with the fact that many Christians are so awkward at arguing in these types of debates, because most of them are not familiar with what the Bible says. I will go to my grave arguing this point, and my experience has shown me that I am not wrong here. North American Christians (and I say that specifically because I know that Christians in emerging countries in Asia and South America and Africa have a deep hunger for Biblical knowledge) are generally not heavy studiers of the Bible - I can't say why, but I suspect it's probably because of too many distractions. On the flip side, every single African born-again brother or sister that I have met knows their Bible far better than most Canadian or American believers, and that is considering the fact that we in North America have abundant Bible study and resource materials. So born again believers in the Western world have some work to do. Don't argue with me on this point - I know this is true.

Anyway, I conceded that point to the posters there. I also conceded the point that they argued, which was a common one - that there is much hypocrisy in the church and amongst Christians. I couldn't argue there, but I added that the Bible, in its wisdom, already indicated that we are all sinful and there is more than enough evidence to show that followers of Christ are fall from perfect. I then challenged these posters to actually take their own advice and research the Bible for themselves rather than listening to hearsay and what not. I also agreed with their assertion that the Roman Catholic church has some absolutely ridiculous rules that were never in Scripture. Several of these posters are quite intelligent, so I was fully anticipating that the conversation would turn towards the scientific realm (let's face it, stereotype or not, many Asians have strengths and math and science). So in the last couple of days, I was meditating on this on the way home and wondering how I should respond, and asking God for direction.

Well, how's this for interesting...this morning (Wednesday, August 15), I was listening to the radio on the way to work. Now, I normally listen to CFRB (news talk radio) or The Fan 590 (sports talk radio). For whatever reason today, I decided to put the dial on AM 640 Talk Radio (which I do not listen to that often). The John Oakley show was on, and since I used to listen to John Oakley 15 years or so ago when he was on CFRB, I kept the station on, while I turned onto the highway. To my utter surprise, his special guest was non other than the head of the global human genome DNA project, the very distinguished Dr. Francis Collins. This guy has been featured in Time magazine, etc. I didn't really know much about him, but I thought, uh-oh, here's a guy who will start talking science and slam Christianity. To my utter shock, he got on the airwaves and started talking about how he once was an atheist, but when he was 20-years-of-age or so, he realized that atheism required more faith than he had, and he could not believe that the world just happened without a Creator. And on Toronto airwaves (very liberal Toronto airwaves), he came on saying, that's when he realized His need for a Saviour and gave his life over to Jesus Christ!

Holy crap! I almost swerved the car into another car as I heard this. He then went on to detail why he believes in creation and that God exists, and he even acknowledged that he had an opportunity to publicly debate (for Time magazine) the well known atheist Richard Dawkins. He only had about 20 minutes as a guest, but in those 20 minutes, he made the most of his time, arguing for Christianity, without being interrupted. I cannot tell you how blessed I was to hear this, especially given the fact that I'm going through an exchange on a forum with not only a group of non-Christians, but seemingly a group of anti-Christians. This was well timed nourishment, and it comes to show you, God knows exactly when to time this stuff to show you, there's no way this is coincidence. It also goes to show that God is with His people in their daily lives. I definitely felt a renewal of faith this morning, and to hear a top scientist, well regarded in his field, stating publicly that he is a follower of Christ, and then giving solid, logical reasons why science and faith can coexist, in an intelligent thoughtful manner, I just had to stop and thank God for these types of situations.

At A Crossroads in My Life...

I just got out of another lengthy board of elders meeting at my church. It is now 12:12AM and I need to work tomorrow. I also have only had 2-3 hours of sleep last night as my son awoke me in the middle of the night to go pee (him, not me) and I just could not get back to sleep. But despite how tired I am right this very moment, I really need to put pen to paper and jot down my thoughts, as I think I have finally hit the point in my life where I need to make some major decisions. It seems as if I am finally at that crossroads, which I have conveniently delayed and put off for so long. I really feel that it is time to earnestly seek God's direction for several decisions I feel it is time to make. What led me to this was certain mixed signals I am sensing in terms of things I am doing in my life. I guess my philosophy was to simply let whatever God has in store happen, but at the same time, I think I've been too complacent to actively seek His will; rather, I have simply drifted along, thinking that something will happen eventually, not seriously considering whether He wants me to actually go one way and that I should be seeking His counsel as to what that is.

One is whether to let my name stand for re-nomination to the church's board next year, when my term expires. This may sound like a trivial thing, since it's a volunteer job and as such, I don't get paid to do it; but I really question how effective I have been. Getting into the nitty gritty of helping to run a church is very daunting, and to be perfectly honest, at times terribly depressing. I think that at the very least, I have had a very good learning experience - but at the same time, I need to do some soul searching and some serious prayer as to why God gave me this opportunity in the first place. The expectations are very high, and as I thought back in 2005 when I was first nominated, and eventually confirmed, there are better candidates to do this than myself. I also wonder whether I am able to make any difference - I am generally an oddity, with my conservative opinions and thoughts, and it does seem as if I am going against the grain many times. My goal is never to piss anyone off (not deliberately, anyway). However, with my combatative nature, I'm not sure whether I am suited for this type of ministry where tact and grace and empathy are required. However, truth be told, working with a group of people who have differing opinions, and trying to reconcile them towards some sort of a consensus that brings glory to God's name, has been a tremendous blessing. I think that I have become much more balanced as a result, to be able to see both sides of the story. But at the same time, there are times where I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Maybe it's because I'm tired right now and can't think straight, but I never have really felt that I have "fit in" to the church leadership mold. Perhaps my perceptions of what church leadership is, should be revisited. So I really need some time to discern what my role is in a church environment - I have a lot of questions to ask of God - why did He give me a Christian education degree, but I'm working in Information Technology for the past 10 years of my life? If I were to die today, aside from the wonderful opportunity to have been a husband and a father, I am not sure why I have been put on this earth. I really don't know. What is my best usefulness in serving Him inside and outside of church? Am I realizing my giftedness potential? Do I even know what my gifts are? I am ashamed to admit that I have not been praying enough about any and all of this, but I suppose this is a good impetus to perhaps get my lines of communication with God strengthened.

Changing gears: I also was in a discussion with one of my friends, Sharon, today, who once again encouraged me to really put my writing into practice - she was surprised why I didn't write full time. As a writer herself, I am honoured that she would say such kind words. But it left an impression on me this afternoon as I was in the office, as I spent some time in thought at my desk. I have been with my company for 10 years now, most of it in a leader/manager capacity. At first it was great to have a good paying job and the ability to get new challenges and the thrill of being employed was something of which I was really proud. But again, I have never felt like I "fit" into the corporate mold, despite the fact that I get excellent reviews year after year (I have been truly blessed to have had my efforts recognized year after year with raises, bonuses, and more reponsibility). I have met many great people at work, who have encouraged me and have been an absolute pleasure to work with - I could not have asked for better people to have come across my path for the 1/3 of my daily life that I spend in an office environment.

Yet, this afternoon, I spent a considerable amount of time at my desk (and during my lunch hour) thinking, "Why am I doing this?" Again, I get the feeling that I should be doing something else, or that I am not fully doing what I should be doing. I start wondering why I was given the gift to write (one of the very few gifts I have), yet I am working in an unrelated industry, a shrinking one. I have pondered the going-back-to-school thing, though at this time, I really feel that it is not feasible. I have a family to support and while I am absolutely certain that I have the aptitude to handle and grasp more academics, and probably work towards a PhD or something, I really feel that financially, it is not feasible, and practically, it will be a challenge. Any re-education at this point would mean that I would have to take out loans to pay off schooling, something which I cannot afford to do (my wife's student loan from 15 years ago will finally be paid off next month). Not to mention, if I were to go back to school, who would work and supply for the family? My wife and I have decided long ago that her staying home with our son is the best move, and we have seen that pay dividends in our son's development. In addition to that, I will start all the way at the beginning again and work my way back up. But for what? I don't feel that my calling is to work in an office for the rest of my life, as fun as that is, has been and will likely continue to be. I just don't want to change careers for no discernable reason. Sort of like the age-old illustration/anecdote of the worker who digs the ditch, to get the money, to buy the food, to give the energy...to dig the ditch. Anyone ever stop to ask the question, "why?"

Do you ever get the feeling that you know you should be doing something else? I enjoy my job at work, but just have this gut feeling that there is more out there that I should be doing - unfortunately, I have gained much of a sense as to what that should be...yet. I have no desire to become a CEO or VP or anything like that - I was just discussing with my colleague today that my worldview is quite different than most people - I don't crave power or control. I can never step on people to advance to the next level. I can't lie to seal the deal. Yes, all this is probably career limiting, but at the same time, I have no desire to climb the corporate ladder, even though I can probably finish off my career as a senior manager / director somewhere. But that is neither my desire nor goal, so I am in this little conundrum right now. I need to figure out where this writing skill will take me. This blog may be a start, since I know that there have been other folks who have visited it and have provided kind comments. I tried to write a book several years ago, but it's weird, I don't think I was destined to be a fiction writer, since it felt forced and unnatural. I just don't want to grow into an old man and think, "I wonder whatever would have happened to that writing ability?" The Bible talks about not burying your talents (literally, figuratively and spiritually) - the problem with me is: I don't need to bury them - they are sitting in my hands right now and I just don't know how to proceed. It does feel like I've been walking with them in my hands for years, all the while, I've done other things. You know how that is, if you've ever tried doing something, while you are holding onto something else (sort of like carrying around your last will and testament in your hands, as a result of having no pockets to store it, no safety deposit box - and to be quite frank, you don't know quite what to do with it, but its personal importance cannot be overstated. You wish you can simply put it somewhere so you can go pee, grab at bite at a restaurant, etc. but you're not sure where to put it, so you simply walk around with it while you go about your business. Meanwhile, in doing all your other tasks, you're remembering that you're still carrying around that 50-page document. It's getting annoying after a while, since you don't really want to throw it away; the irritation sets in, as you have to cart it around with you everywhere, and of course, that impairs or hinders your ability to do other things.

I guess that's where I am right now. Trying to figure out what do do with that will, rather than carting it around aimlessly, thinking that I can simply do other things until I figure out what to do with it.