Mr. and Mrs...

I have, over the years, been increasingly convinced that the reason why today's kids, in most part, tend to be less polite than their counterparts from generations past is because adults have failed to instill and pass on something as simple as a basic standard of greeting from their kids towards other adults. One thing that I value tremendously from the partially Asian culture in which I was raised is the whole aspect of greetings towards adults. To many Asian kids, other adults get addressed as Uncle (insert name) and Auntie (insert name), despite the fact that these folks are not biologically related to them. It is a sign of respect and reverence for those who are older than yourself. When the adult is a non-Asian and don't get the Uncle and Auntie bit, we are to address them formally by Mr. (insert name) or Mrs. (insert name) or Miss (insert name) or Ms. (insert name).

The overall culture has gravitated towards little kids calling adults by their first name. While this may seem minor or trite, I think it is the beginning of the erosion of the child's respect system in their developing years.

There was a lady in our pre-natal class, with whose family we were casual friends. She always struck me as a bit pretentious, why with her "keeping up with the Joneses" attitude and her tremendously liberal philosophy - her sister's a lesbian, so what do you expect. Anyhow, I remember she was telling her kid (3 at the time) to call me "Jeremy". That is my name, but I ain't letting no 3-year-old call me by my first name. I kindly corrected, "It's Mr. (my last name) to you." His mom thought that I was nuts - of course, she teaches her son to use all medical terms to describe his body - I mean, how ridiculous does it sound to have a 3-year-old say, "I need to clean my penis." And this lady is a teacher (your taxpayer dollars at work). I also did that with another one of my wife's daycare kids. As much consternation and eye-rolling as parents will give me upon me correcting them to call me Mr. (my last name), I think I am doing a service to their children in the long run.

My son, 6, is continually instructed to call people Mr. and Mrs. (insert last name name). And his father (me) models this for him, in that I call his teacher Mrs. (her surname) when I address her directly in conversation, and I call his principal (who has changed a few times) his her surname, prefaced by the appropriate Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Now, that being said, don't get me wrong, I don't call everyone I know who is older than me by Mr. and Mrs. I think part of it is discretionary for adults, but I think for kids, calling adults by their first name is out of bounds. I believe that students, no matter what age, should call their teachers Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss (surname), no different than congregation people should call their minister Pastor (first name or last name). I do this with all my pastors at my church, despite the fact that a number of them have said that I can just call them by their name. I can do that but I will preface it with "Pastor". It just is a sign of respect, in my view. No different if you address an officer, you say "sir" or "Officer (surname" or "Constable (surname)" or "Detective (surname)". All of this sounds rather gay at first, but when you get used to it, it will be second nature. For parents with kids, I think it's important to model respect for authority figures and even adults in general.

This past Sunday, we went to our friends' place, and their last name was hard to pronounce for my son. They were Japanese and so it was not unusual for our friend to suggest to my son, "Why don't you just call me Uncle Doug." Makes sense to me.

I know some parents who have changed their kids' addressing of us when our son addresses them as Mr. or Mrs. Again, it seems counter-intuitive, but there is something about offering respect when respect is due that really gives a child a sense of order and a yielding to those who are either in authority, or have more life experience than us. I am 36, and I still call my parents' friends Uncle (first name) or Auntie (first name), even though I'm not related to them. It's not awkward in the least and it confers the elder-respect that is so often missing in today's me-first culture.