The Reason Why Kids Today Are The Way They Are

This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but that's OK, I don't blog for popularity's sake.

A couple of years back, my wife, son and I went out to an event with some friends (I'm being deliberately vague here so as to not identify the people). Well, one of their kids threw a temper tantrum and slapped his mom in the face. The mom, all flustered, told the kid gently that they have to get going and the kid was screaming more and eventually the kid got his way and they stayed longer.

That to me was an indication of what was wrong with the way some parents raise their kids today. They are afraid of them. They are afraid that if they actually yell and discipline them and...heaven forbid, spank them, people will think they are bad parents, especially in today's politically correct atmosphere.

My wife runs a daycare that is regulated by an agency, so the daycare staff are obviously not allowed to spank the kids (and even if we weren't regulated, I wouldn't spank someone else's kid anyway - it's really not my place to do so). However...

With my own kid, he gets spanked for willful disobedience. I won't spank him for spilling stuff or making mistakes like crapping his underwear. But if I tell him to do something (and it's always for his own good anyway) and he talks back or doesn't listen, or worse - tries to strike me or his mother (very, very seldom happens)...he get it in the bum. Some people who know that I spank think I'm being cruel. I am not. I am showing him there are consequences to actions and there are consequences to disobeying those in authority (and sorry to say it parents, you are an authority figure, whether you like it or not). Some people say that I am showing that I have a short fuse and am losing my cool. I am not. In fact, most times when I spank him, I am not angry per se - sometimes, I don't even feel like spanking him, but I need to be consistent.

Some people will say society frowns on spanking. Yeah, well...you can't please everyone...and look at how society is these days - I think I'm doing OK, thank you. Some people will say that CAS (Children's Aid Society) will come and get me. Let them try. I'm not abusing my son and if you ask him how much he loves his Daddy and Mommy, he will stretch out his arms and say "this much!" Besides, I'm not afraid of the liberal establishment, since I'm not doing anything wrong, anyway. Besides, if someone dares try the CAS angle, I will be happy to exercise another action that people seem so fond of enacting these days - legal action.

I've also heard the argument about children's self-esteem. Can I say that this is the most ridiculous pile of horse **** that I've ever heard. To shield your child from a real-life lesson in action and consequences for some "self-esteem" issues - that is ridiculous. Look at my son - he is well adjusted, very social, has no behaviour problems and is a happy little boy. Yet he gets spanked when he willfully disobeys. The key here is that once the discipline is over, we spend time with him, read to him, do things with him, and not just plop him in front of the TV or drop him somewhere for someone else to watch him, like a lot of parents do. He has a healthy self-esteem, because he knows his parents love him, even if we do discipline him. Self-esteem issues are developed whent the parent does not spend time with their kids or lets the kids know that they are no rules or guidelines (essentially re-inforcing that the parents don't really care). And you know, there is nothing wrong with a little shot against the self-esteem anyway. If I was failing my grades in school, I'd expect to be held back - OK, it's embarrassing to see all your friends move up and you're behind, but guess what - there's my impetus to work even harder to catch up. The way that today's school system works - heaven forbid they offend a child by not passing them because they don't make the grade. I'd hate to see what these kids are like when they enter the workforce.

It's interesting, because I often watch our son play in a larger group of kids. He is almost always the one willing to share, and he never strikes other kids (that is another weak argument liberals make about spanking - how can you tell him not to hit if you hit him? I don't hit him - I discipline him - there's a difference - and the fact that he does not act out and strike other people at all would indicate that he knows that you can't just go wild and do whatever you want. Also, my wife and explain to him every time why he is getting spanked. I've seen some kids push other kids around and grab stuff and the parents just sit there like a deer in the headlights - not even a flinch. Those are kids who will try to get their own way and think that they have a sense of entitlement (and will be problem children in the future - mark my words).

I agree that spanking is not something that should be used all the time - I don't mind explaining things, but again, when a child willfully disobeys the parent, the first action is to correct that lack of respect for the authority figure. Talking only takes you so far. Just like if you break into a house and the cops come, they're not going to sit down with you and have a coffee with you while you explain how you got the way you are or how you feel. They'll throw you in the back of the cruiser, and haul your ass to the station in handcuffs. Those are the consequences. Every action has one. Parents need to re-iterate this to their kids. Otherwise, they grow up without boundaries and will not respect their teachers, the police or anyone else in authority. I don't need to give you examples of kids who do this.

For parents who do exercise discipline of their child...trust me, they will thank you for it later. I have spoken to many successful businesspeople and tradespeople and academics who told me that they are the way they are because their parents took the time to make them realize that you can't just do whatever you want and expect no consequences. Kudos to all the previous generations of parents (including my own) who lived this out in their lives.